vênari - A Call to Hunt

*****
bloody me, the blood has flowed one way
leaving no scars, just empty spaces
Have lost time in every memory
every frame leading to another prophecy
the color of my hair sang in praise
of one season too long,too wrong
and the color will splash like a fresh wound
the pipes will pop gushing air and a chill
down the spine making everything around it hollow
and smish-smash of desires and random thoughts
will smoke the air you breathe to suffocate
and pinch the light that glowed
and I could have fuЖed you helplessly
with no sense and taste,but you weren't worth the fuЖ
and you went on to fuЖ a nice guy in me
bloody me, the blood has just run out of red
and I bow down to the Red Sun
above.
*****

We are all born as hunters. We hunt for survival. survival of our dreams. survival of our desires.
survival of love. survival of the loved ones.
But little do we do justice to the hunt as hunters.
Putting the bait for the fish, and letting the fish back into the waters
doesn't make us a hunter, does it?
A hunter hunts for a reason. Only one reason. The reason can be known, can be unknown.
But the knowledge is not of the hunter, its art or its consequences.
But knowledge of the hunt.
I was a hunter. I hunted out my career and now I am figuring out what to do with it
I hunted out love and now I am wondering what I did to it.
I hunted out my body and now I am findings ways of using it
I hunted out my mind and now I am findings ways of losing it
Yes I was a hunter. But I hunted the wrong ones.

Now I am ready to go out again
not as a hunter
to hunt
but as the hunted
after all, the real hunt is
when one hunter hunts another.

Duhka - Pain

Pain :Suffering or distress.

Or is it so?

It makes me wonder what pain really is.
When was the last time I was in pain? What did pain do to me? What did I do back in return?

Was it when I was in hospital suffering from a relapse of typhoid when everything I consumed, consumed me in return. When I missed an exam that cost me a school rank. Was that pain?

Was it the loss of my best friend - Ringo my dog. The only fella in my life who would welcome me with same excitement no matter how shitty my day or his day had been. That I can have him by my side today as a refuge from this world where people complicate each other. Was that pain?

Was it when I had to take a flight back to Singapore from Bangalore and leave my loved one when I imploded with tears and did all I could to hide it and my lips read a false promise that I would come back one day and all would be fine. Was that pain?

Or lying next to a stranger helpless, breathless , topless with numb desires and diluted thoughts
unable to decipher the whole situation and what it demands of you, questioning morals
beliefs and promises, and lying another day alone on a bed by myself wanting a touch I refused. Was that pain?

We all tend to look at pain for its negativity. May be pain is more than all this. Maybe its at point of pain when we overwhelm who we are and why we are. Maybe we question life, its very reason and its this reasoning that brings out the inner soul in us to face it all and live to forget it all one day.

Maybe pain is a reflection of love, the feeling to be in love and probably never again with same intensity and purpose. Maybe pain is a reminder to humanity how ordinary we are and how extraordinary this life given to us is. Maybe pain is the only fight against time when time stands still frozen in surrender. Maybe pain is a sign of sacrifice to oneself, to one's emotions, to one's feelings. maybe pain is a love song the heart sings to the mind one rare moment in our life.

maybe pain is the best thing that can happen to us.

I am currently in a state of fuzziness, a state of confusion
where I am craving with my arms wide open for this one being to
hug me and say all is not right but I am

maybe this is pain
maybe this is me
what pain sees

Spandhan - Pulse

ishq humko phir se kyon ho raha hai
(Why do I fall in love again?)

socha ta hum ne
kya hai yeh zindagi
jo ji liya hai

(What is this life? I though I had lived it all)

phir se is dil main
kuch chaaya hai

(There is a spark in my heart again)

dil karta hai
kuch aisa kar paye
jisse ye zindagi
ek pal ke liye to sahi
zinda reh jaaye

(My heart fonds for something to be done to revive this life of mine, even if for a moment)

jaane kab se ye dil dhadak raha hai
(My heart has been beating for so long)
socha ta hum ne
kya yeh dil
jo ko diya hai
(What is this heart?I had lost once before)

phir se mera mann
khwaabon se bara hai
(My mind is filled with a desire again)

dil se kuch keh raha hai
ishq hum ko bhi phir se ho raha hai
socha ta hum ne bhi
(as he speaks to my heart of falling in love)

kya hai yeh pal
jo bheet chukha hai

(What is this moment? I thought was gone long ago)




My first attempt.

Cupcake

I can still remember
sometime in November
when we first met
you were standing there
holding on to my cupcake
you were lazy about it, you would make me wait around
I was so crazy about you that I wouldn't mind

I was afraid that I was running of out of time
to say and do all I wanted with you

Now here we are chained in time
and ready to take on this world
in different paths and ways

I wish you good luck,
and good memories
as you ride away

one day you might ride back
and I might practise those lines again

till then here's one for you
my cupcake

Many Happy returns of the Day !

Fool

love to fool around
all the time
with you by my side

got no car to drive,
got a heart to drive you crazy
got to take you away
in a big ship one day

I'm just a fool for you baby
I can't wait no longer

Can always be a fool for you baby
Maybe I've waited too long


I'm just a fool for you baby


one day I might
run out of games and pranks
and lines for you


one way I might
find a way to say I love you

one May I shall
make my own
paper rose for you

I'm just a fool for you baby
I've think we come too far

Can always be a fool for you baby
Maybe I'll just rewind

I'm just a fool for you baby


day after day
I'll figure out a new way
to your heart


way after way
I'll keep trying
to take it to the start

what if you break my heart
and leave with another guy
would you just say
you ran out of love
or the other way

But I'll still be a fool for you baby
maybe I am just too crazy
maybe my heart needs a break

I'm just a fool for you baby
maybe you'll be miss me one day

Can always be a fool for you baby

O where have all the barbie dolls gone?

The color of her lipstick
mysterious and inviting
she knows the second best thing
she can do with them is to smile
as she walks by a delicate darling,a mind strong, a heart fragile

and I wonder

O where have all the barbie dolls gone?

The color of her tied hair
waiting to glow,waiting to show
the radiance of an autumn season
she knows she should let them free
as she walks by, teasing me with an unforgettable spree

and I wonder

O where have all the barbie dolls gone?

The color of her skin
so smooth, so layered
like an unexpected, unnoticed night's moonlight
she knows she should uncover them with no fears, no fences
as she walks by, the smell of her skin intoxicating my senses

and I wonder

O where have all the barbie dolls gone?

The color of her eyes
the sorrows within, the promises without
like the ocean waters, reaching out for the shores
she knows she should let them see how beautiful this world can be
as she walks by, a single wink drawing all of my attention,left to see

and I wonder

O where have all the barbie dolls gone?

The color of her heart
so pink to the perfect degree
like a rose petal plucked away from her thorns
she knows she should let them beat at her own pace, joyfully
as she walks by, my hearts skips a beat or two as no longer he belongs to me

and I wonder...

Paap (Sin)

not the greed of one's needs
not the lust of one's untold desires
not the envy of other's sacred belongings
not the vanity of the ones who never did succeed
not the fury of man against man
not the gluttony of the swollen minds
not the sloth of those who preach in the name of love

no, no sin must be above
the crimes of the body
cruelty of the mind
frailty of the heart
betrayal of the loved
mistrial of mankind
but
the sin
to condemn the innocent blood
by power of denial
of truth
its origins
its very existence
for the irony behind it
is in this world we live in
where the sinners are fewer than the ones
who think they sin every day
and the ones who have been sinned
every other.

Cos' If I have sinned,so have you.

thoughts from my second viewing of the Passion of Christ